Official #1: Man, thank god Monroe lasted this long. I'll call it in.
Official #2: Uhh, I dunno...
1: Ugh, why not?
Official #3: I thought we agreed we're going wide receiver.
1: We were just kidding around. We've gotta take Monroe.
2: Why? Is he fast?
1: No. But we're...bad at not getting sacked.
Al Davis: [croaking] ssssspeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed
1: Does he have to be in here? That's so fucking creepy.
3: Yeah, well, the man knows football. And nobody wants what's good for the Raiders more than him.
2: Mr. Davis wants speed, we get him speed.
1: Goddammit, fine. Crabtree it is.
3: I don't think he's fast enough. He's got foot problems.
1: He put up a trillion yards the last two years!
2/3: ...
1: ...
Davis: flaaaaaaaaaaaaaash
1: Harvin.
2: Ehhhhh. Character issues.
1: This...we're the Raiders.
Davis: uuuuuuuuuuupsssssssssiiiide
3: Pass.
1: Macli--
3: Too productive. Pass.
1: I've got nothing then. What's your plan.
2: How'bout Heyward-Bey. He's like 210 and runs a 4.3.
1: He was like 9th in his league in ypg. In the ACC.
3: You can smell his potential.
Davis: heeee's beeeeeauutifulllllll
1: FINE. Jesus. Who're we trading down with?
2: Better take him now.
3: We can't risk losing him.
Davis: nowwwwwww
1: ...
2/3: ...
1: I fucking quit.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Monday, April 20, 2009
However will they manage?
I expect we'll see variations of this in every Georgia Bulldogs '09 preview that comes out over the next several months. I understand Matt Stafford and Knowshon Moreno were great, and that replacing them as individual players will be difficult/impossible.
Hoooooooowever. The "Moreno/Stafford Era" (taken here to mean 2007 and 2008) wasn't exactly the height of Mark Richt's success in Athens. It featured, by my count, one win over Florida (in a year that Florida lost three other games), one win over Georgia Tech, zero division titles, bowl wins over Happy-To-Be-Here Hawaii and Michigan State, and a lot of unmet expectations. And if you want to be petty and throw in Stafford's freshman year, things look worse.
Of course, most schools would kill for 21 wins and a Sugar Bowl trophy. But Georgia under Mark Richt hasn't been most schools. 2002-2005 saw three division and two conference titles, a bunch of wins over Chan Gailey's All-Stars, and, hell, one win over Florida***.
Obviously, this is not an indictment of Moreno and Stafford as individual players; it is, to be cliché, a team game, and there were problems with other parts of the team. But it's not like the Dawgs were a perennial 7-5 outfit that turned into the '04 USC Trojans once Stafford and Moreno came on board. In assessing the entire team's success over the last two seasons relative to previous years, I don't believe, as Mr. McCartney puts it, that "it's going to be awfully hard for Georgia to emerge from Moreno's and Stafford's shadows this season."
***I know, in four games, but still.
Hoooooooowever. The "Moreno/Stafford Era" (taken here to mean 2007 and 2008) wasn't exactly the height of Mark Richt's success in Athens. It featured, by my count, one win over Florida (in a year that Florida lost three other games), one win over Georgia Tech, zero division titles, bowl wins over Happy-To-Be-Here Hawaii and Michigan State, and a lot of unmet expectations. And if you want to be petty and throw in Stafford's freshman year, things look worse.
Of course, most schools would kill for 21 wins and a Sugar Bowl trophy. But Georgia under Mark Richt hasn't been most schools. 2002-2005 saw three division and two conference titles, a bunch of wins over Chan Gailey's All-Stars, and, hell, one win over Florida***.
Obviously, this is not an indictment of Moreno and Stafford as individual players; it is, to be cliché, a team game, and there were problems with other parts of the team. But it's not like the Dawgs were a perennial 7-5 outfit that turned into the '04 USC Trojans once Stafford and Moreno came on board. In assessing the entire team's success over the last two seasons relative to previous years, I don't believe, as Mr. McCartney puts it, that "it's going to be awfully hard for Georgia to emerge from Moreno's and Stafford's shadows this season."
***I know, in four games, but still.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
A Commissioner Can Hope: Western Conference
The second half of a look into Gary Bettman’s Fantasy Bracket.
Conference Quarterfinals
San Jose-Anaheim: This one is tough, as both teams play in medium-sized cities in enormous media markets in California. The opportunity to get the Bay Area in on a Stanley Cup run is tempting. That said, upsets are attention-getters, Anaheim’s a market that could also use a bit of fan-base shoring, the Ducks’ story this year is pretty incredible, and the possibility of getting some mileage out of renowned villain Chris Pronger would be nice. Gary’s Pick: Anaheim
Detroit-Columbus: It’s hard to believe that the NHL would like to see a big, traditional market like Detroit go out early. However, there’s like zero money in Michigan right now and fans everywhere else would probably be disinterested in another Wings Campbell Bowl. On the flip side, the BJs are a dark, mysterious, and sexy stranger. With Buckeye football about to reach the real dog days of late spring and early summer, central Ohio would go nuts for a deep playoff run. Plus Gary can point out Columbus to his “TEAMS IN WARM CITIES?!!” detractors and say “coulda put’em in New Orleans”. Gary’s Pick: Columbus
Vancouver-St. Louis: I’m sure Gary’ll hem and haw and theBluesnextmatchupplease. Gary’s Pick: St. Louis
Chicago-Calgary: Think of how the old Flames fanbase back in Atlanta would go nuts for a Cup win and help finally spread hockey across the Deep South! Gary’s Pick: Chicago
Conference Semifinals
Chicago-Anaheim: Marginal fans would get sucked in by the “Nice Young Men vs Nasty Old Guys” story line. And of course the storyline would have to follow the traditional progression. Gary’s pick: Chicago
St. Louis-Columbus: St. Louis somehow managed to catch the Beej for 6th place. A clash between a couple basketball-free, big-potential cities in the Midwest sounds like a winner to the marketing guys, especially if it includes more of this. Gary’s pick: St. Louis
Conference Finals
Chicago-St. Louis: The NHL would love to trade off of this old rivalry. There’s also potential to sell marginal fans the “Cubs-Cards…WITH VIOLENCE” angle. Or the “These two teams absolutely blew ass quite recently but now they’re good” angle. That’s probably paraphrasing. Another huge plus is that people on the East Coast wouldn’t have to stay up particularly late for any of the games. Whoever wins, the NHL wins. That said, the bigger the market, the better the attention. Gary’s Pick: Chicago
Stanley Cup Finals
Washington-Chicago: Enormous cities with good (and occasionally incredible) hockey tradition and huge potential. Think the NHL wouldn’t kill for the Past Obama vs. Present Obama storyline? I absolutely promise you Gary Bettman would strangle a toddler to be able to get the POTUS, the most powerful and perhaps revered African-American ever***, and maybe the single most popular person in the world to talk about the NHL. I could see this rivaling any non-Lebron&Kobe NBA final for Ted Neutralfan’s interest. Gary’s Pick: An Alex Ovechkin breakaway goal in the 5th OT of game seven.
***Well, second. But hell, Oprah’s from Chicago too.
Conference Quarterfinals
San Jose-Anaheim: This one is tough, as both teams play in medium-sized cities in enormous media markets in California. The opportunity to get the Bay Area in on a Stanley Cup run is tempting. That said, upsets are attention-getters, Anaheim’s a market that could also use a bit of fan-base shoring, the Ducks’ story this year is pretty incredible, and the possibility of getting some mileage out of renowned villain Chris Pronger would be nice. Gary’s Pick: Anaheim
Detroit-Columbus: It’s hard to believe that the NHL would like to see a big, traditional market like Detroit go out early. However, there’s like zero money in Michigan right now and fans everywhere else would probably be disinterested in another Wings Campbell Bowl. On the flip side, the BJs are a dark, mysterious, and sexy stranger. With Buckeye football about to reach the real dog days of late spring and early summer, central Ohio would go nuts for a deep playoff run. Plus Gary can point out Columbus to his “TEAMS IN WARM CITIES?!!” detractors and say “coulda put’em in New Orleans”. Gary’s Pick: Columbus
Vancouver-St. Louis: I’m sure Gary’ll hem and haw and theBluesnextmatchupplease. Gary’s Pick: St. Louis
Chicago-Calgary: Think of how the old Flames fanbase back in Atlanta would go nuts for a Cup win and help finally spread hockey across the Deep South! Gary’s Pick: Chicago
Conference Semifinals
Chicago-Anaheim: Marginal fans would get sucked in by the “Nice Young Men vs Nasty Old Guys” story line. And of course the storyline would have to follow the traditional progression. Gary’s pick: Chicago
St. Louis-Columbus: St. Louis somehow managed to catch the Beej for 6th place. A clash between a couple basketball-free, big-potential cities in the Midwest sounds like a winner to the marketing guys, especially if it includes more of this. Gary’s pick: St. Louis
Conference Finals
Chicago-St. Louis: The NHL would love to trade off of this old rivalry. There’s also potential to sell marginal fans the “Cubs-Cards…WITH VIOLENCE” angle. Or the “These two teams absolutely blew ass quite recently but now they’re good” angle. That’s probably paraphrasing. Another huge plus is that people on the East Coast wouldn’t have to stay up particularly late for any of the games. Whoever wins, the NHL wins. That said, the bigger the market, the better the attention. Gary’s Pick: Chicago
Stanley Cup Finals
Washington-Chicago: Enormous cities with good (and occasionally incredible) hockey tradition and huge potential. Think the NHL wouldn’t kill for the Past Obama vs. Present Obama storyline? I absolutely promise you Gary Bettman would strangle a toddler to be able to get the POTUS, the most powerful and perhaps revered African-American ever***, and maybe the single most popular person in the world to talk about the NHL. I could see this rivaling any non-Lebron&Kobe NBA final for Ted Neutralfan’s interest. Gary’s Pick: An Alex Ovechkin breakaway goal in the 5th OT of game seven.
***Well, second. But hell, Oprah’s from Chicago too.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
A Commissioner Can Hope: Eastern Conference
The Eastern Conference first round is set. It turned out just like I hoped, which was a nice surprise. A different matter is what Count Hockula and his minions are hoping to see. Gary will, of course, graciously congratulate whomever wins, but deep down he’ll be crushed to see a New Jersey-Calgary Stanley Cup Final. And, you know, with good reason. The good news for Gary and crew is that a whole bunch of big-market teams got in, so ratings should be decent. So without further ado, the NHL marketing team’s wet dream:
Conference Quarterfinal
Boston-Montreal: NHL execs have to be overjoyed that these two teams bumbled into one another again. But there’s a simple truth for marketing in the NHL: American teams need wins more than Canadian teams do. Gary’s pick: Boston
Washington-NYR: This one is a bit tougher. Surely the NHL would love to have the huge-market Rangers in as long as possible. That said, the Rangers are marketable in New York; Alex Ovechkin is marketable nationwide, with a rare ability to make SportsCenter show hockey highlights. Gary’s pick: Washington
New Jersey-Carolina: New Jersey has won a bunch of games, series, and trophies over the last fifteen years, and it’s gotten a bit…stale, to non-NJ fans. It’d be nice to keep New Jersey around to theoretically keep the NY metro area interested, but that probably wouldn’t make a huge difference. Conversely, Raleigh’s one of the Count’s sunbelt markets that could really use a(nother) little playoff run. This could be dreary, but there’s a plan. Gary’s pick: New Jersey
Philly-Pittsburgh: NHL bigwigs really should be thanking every deity they can think of for these first-round match-ups. In this series, Philly’s a good team and a great market and all, but…well, no contest. Gary’s pick: Pittsburgh
Conference Semifinal
Boston-Pittsburgh: This series would certainly capture a few mainstream headlines. Gary’s pick: Pittsburgh
Washington-New Jersey: It has Ovie and Green, Brodeur and Parise, so it can’t be ignored. Gary’s pick: Washington
Conference Final
Pittsburgh-Washington: The hype would be borderline unbearable, but the NHL could use it. You can sort of picture people in, say, Utah or South Dakota or Bristol CT talking about hockey, which essentially doesn’t happen. As for a winner…ride the Russian Machine until it breaks. Which, of course, it won’t. Gary’s pick: Washington
Conference Quarterfinal
Boston-Montreal: NHL execs have to be overjoyed that these two teams bumbled into one another again. But there’s a simple truth for marketing in the NHL: American teams need wins more than Canadian teams do. Gary’s pick: Boston
Washington-NYR: This one is a bit tougher. Surely the NHL would love to have the huge-market Rangers in as long as possible. That said, the Rangers are marketable in New York; Alex Ovechkin is marketable nationwide, with a rare ability to make SportsCenter show hockey highlights. Gary’s pick: Washington
New Jersey-Carolina: New Jersey has won a bunch of games, series, and trophies over the last fifteen years, and it’s gotten a bit…stale, to non-NJ fans. It’d be nice to keep New Jersey around to theoretically keep the NY metro area interested, but that probably wouldn’t make a huge difference. Conversely, Raleigh’s one of the Count’s sunbelt markets that could really use a(nother) little playoff run. This could be dreary, but there’s a plan. Gary’s pick: New Jersey
Philly-Pittsburgh: NHL bigwigs really should be thanking every deity they can think of for these first-round match-ups. In this series, Philly’s a good team and a great market and all, but…well, no contest. Gary’s pick: Pittsburgh
Conference Semifinal
Boston-Pittsburgh: This series would certainly capture a few mainstream headlines. Gary’s pick: Pittsburgh
Washington-New Jersey: It has Ovie and Green, Brodeur and Parise, so it can’t be ignored. Gary’s pick: Washington
Conference Final
Pittsburgh-Washington: The hype would be borderline unbearable, but the NHL could use it. You can sort of picture people in, say, Utah or South Dakota or Bristol CT talking about hockey, which essentially doesn’t happen. As for a winner…ride the Russian Machine until it breaks. Which, of course, it won’t. Gary’s pick: Washington
Saturday, April 11, 2009
A Fan Can Hope: Western Conference
Continuing with what, in my opinion, would be the most entertaining (for a neutral fan) course for the NHL playoffs to take, here’s a look at the Western Conference.
Assuming, again, that long, bloody series are the cat’s pajamas.
Conference Quarterfinals
San Jose-Anaheim: Anaheim’s currently got a 29% or 25% chance of falling to the eight, depending on whom you ask. This has the requisite bad blood. San Jose won four of six games during the regular season.
Uneducated Predictions: The first-ever postseason Battle of California has potential to go the full seven, with the Sharks prevailing. The on-the-ice, in-the-outskirts version of Giants-Dodgers registers a rare hockey blip on the mainstream Cali sporting conscious.
Detroit-St. Louis: The Blues are about 30% to hit the seven, but it could be a classic. The intradivisional aspect doesn’t hurt, although Detroit did win 5 of 6 this year. For what it’s worth (probably not much), St Louis did win the most recent match-up.
Uneducated Predictions: A bunch of 5-4 games ends with the playoffs’ big upset, as the Blues become the adopted team for eliminated teams’ fans everywhere. Chris Osgood is finally pulled in game six after stealing the puck during a Red Wings breakout and throwing it into his own net.
Vancouver-Columbus: As a Canucks fan, I’m sure I’m fucking this up by calling it before it’s set. But, the Canucks are 84% or 75% to get the three, while Columbus is 69/66 to get the 6. Columbus won both home games 3-2 (plus an empty-netter), while the teams split two more close games in Vancouver (with Columbus’ win in the shootout). Ohio fans’ first taste of playoff hockey should be entertaining as hell.
Uneducated Predictions: Another seven-gamer ends with a Canucks win, but convinces Rick Nash to stay in Ohio long-term. A Ryan Kesler OT game-winner in game five causes the world’s largest simultaneous female orgasm. And, uh, maybe male also.
Chicago-Calgary: Calgary’s odds to hit the five are the same as Vancouver’s to hit three. Chicago beat Calgary all four games this year, by some lopsided scores. There’s not a tonne of recent history here, but the playoffs have a way of breeding contempt. These buildings will be loud, which won’t hurt.
Uneducated Predictions: Chicago wins an intense series in 6. Dion Phaneuf is caught out of position 61 times, but makes up for it by elbowing Jonathan Toews in the eye.
Conference Semifinals
San Jose-St. Louis: The home team won every game this year, in close fashion. There’s not much recent history here, but I’m sure no St. Louis fan has forgotten the spring of 2000.
Uneducated Predictions: The Blues are shockingly featured on mainstream American sports networks after they complete their second seven-game upset in as many series. The cries of “Jumbo Joe can’t get'r done in the playoffs” reach unhealthy levels despite his having 10 points in the seven games.
Vancouver-Chicago: This one would probably be boring. The season series is split, although Vancouver won the two most recent games 11-3 total. Still, this sounds like a six-gamer at least.
Uneducated Predictions: Chicago in seven. Teams set a record by having 17 combined players in the box simultaneously, necessitating horizontal stacking.
Conference Finals
Chicago-St. Louis: These teams met a bunch of times in the playoffs in the 80’s and early 90’s. The Blues won four of the six games this year, with the first three games going to OT.
Uneducated Predictions: St. Louis’ exciting run comes to an end in seven games. Traditionalists weep with joy at the old-fashioned Norris Division tilt.
Stanley Cup Finals
My uneducated predictions for the Conference Finals (Bruins over Capitals, Chicago over St. Louis) were more along the lines of which team would likely be favoured. I can't decide at all which of the four possibilities would actually be most entertaining. More Ovie=More Betterness, and I'd be happy to watch the Blues continue to roll. That said, I think an Original Six Chicago-Boston showdown might offer the best hockey. It would certainly be a match-up that was borderline unimaginable two years ago. I don't know who would win, but I'm sure we'd be inundated with breathless articles about the salvation of two classic franchises. And it would probably be worth it.
Assuming, again, that long, bloody series are the cat’s pajamas.
Conference Quarterfinals
San Jose-Anaheim: Anaheim’s currently got a 29% or 25% chance of falling to the eight, depending on whom you ask. This has the requisite bad blood. San Jose won four of six games during the regular season.
Uneducated Predictions: The first-ever postseason Battle of California has potential to go the full seven, with the Sharks prevailing. The on-the-ice, in-the-outskirts version of Giants-Dodgers registers a rare hockey blip on the mainstream Cali sporting conscious.
Detroit-St. Louis: The Blues are about 30% to hit the seven, but it could be a classic. The intradivisional aspect doesn’t hurt, although Detroit did win 5 of 6 this year. For what it’s worth (probably not much), St Louis did win the most recent match-up.
Uneducated Predictions: A bunch of 5-4 games ends with the playoffs’ big upset, as the Blues become the adopted team for eliminated teams’ fans everywhere. Chris Osgood is finally pulled in game six after stealing the puck during a Red Wings breakout and throwing it into his own net.
Vancouver-Columbus: As a Canucks fan, I’m sure I’m fucking this up by calling it before it’s set. But, the Canucks are 84% or 75% to get the three, while Columbus is 69/66 to get the 6. Columbus won both home games 3-2 (plus an empty-netter), while the teams split two more close games in Vancouver (with Columbus’ win in the shootout). Ohio fans’ first taste of playoff hockey should be entertaining as hell.
Uneducated Predictions: Another seven-gamer ends with a Canucks win, but convinces Rick Nash to stay in Ohio long-term. A Ryan Kesler OT game-winner in game five causes the world’s largest simultaneous female orgasm. And, uh, maybe male also.
Chicago-Calgary: Calgary’s odds to hit the five are the same as Vancouver’s to hit three. Chicago beat Calgary all four games this year, by some lopsided scores. There’s not a tonne of recent history here, but the playoffs have a way of breeding contempt. These buildings will be loud, which won’t hurt.
Uneducated Predictions: Chicago wins an intense series in 6. Dion Phaneuf is caught out of position 61 times, but makes up for it by elbowing Jonathan Toews in the eye.
Conference Semifinals
San Jose-St. Louis: The home team won every game this year, in close fashion. There’s not much recent history here, but I’m sure no St. Louis fan has forgotten the spring of 2000.
Uneducated Predictions: The Blues are shockingly featured on mainstream American sports networks after they complete their second seven-game upset in as many series. The cries of “Jumbo Joe can’t get'r done in the playoffs” reach unhealthy levels despite his having 10 points in the seven games.
Vancouver-Chicago: This one would probably be boring. The season series is split, although Vancouver won the two most recent games 11-3 total. Still, this sounds like a six-gamer at least.
Uneducated Predictions: Chicago in seven. Teams set a record by having 17 combined players in the box simultaneously, necessitating horizontal stacking.
Conference Finals
Chicago-St. Louis: These teams met a bunch of times in the playoffs in the 80’s and early 90’s. The Blues won four of the six games this year, with the first three games going to OT.
Uneducated Predictions: St. Louis’ exciting run comes to an end in seven games. Traditionalists weep with joy at the old-fashioned Norris Division tilt.
Stanley Cup Finals
My uneducated predictions for the Conference Finals (Bruins over Capitals, Chicago over St. Louis) were more along the lines of which team would likely be favoured. I can't decide at all which of the four possibilities would actually be most entertaining. More Ovie=More Betterness, and I'd be happy to watch the Blues continue to roll. That said, I think an Original Six Chicago-Boston showdown might offer the best hockey. It would certainly be a match-up that was borderline unimaginable two years ago. I don't know who would win, but I'm sure we'd be inundated with breathless articles about the salvation of two classic franchises. And it would probably be worth it.
A Fan Can Hope: Eastern Conference
Update--The pairings are set, and, hey, whaddya know!
The NHL’s playoff membership is set. With most teams having a single game left, there are a few seeding questions to be resolved, but we know largely what the field will look like. Spring hockey is always fun. Theoretically, though, there’s one combination of winners that would make for a more entertaining two months than any other. How should a neutral fan hope to see the playoffs play out? Assuming seven-game series between mutually hostile teams are the gold standard, let’s start in the Eastern Conference.
Conference Quarterfinals
Boston-Montreal: Fairly self-explanatory. Currently, Sports Club Stats has the Canadiens at 63% to get the eight-seed, while Playoff Status has them at 72%. Boston has won five of the six games this year. Three, including Montreal’s lone win (at home) went to OT.
Uneducated predictions: Montreal wins a few because that’s how they do, but Boston wins 4-2. In game two, an angry Milan Lucic kills five people, sprouts wings, bursts through the roof of the TD Banknorth Garden and returns to his roost on a craggy cliff-face in the Coast Mountains 150 miles northwest of Vancouver.
Washington-NYR: Not much choice here (Montreal’s odds to get the eight are NY’s to get the seven), but luckily it wouldn’t be a half-bad series. The Rangers are a decent 11-7-2 since Tortorella took over, including a very good 8-2-0 at home. During the season series, Washington won both home games 2-1 in regulation (plus an empty-netter), and the teams split OT decisions at MSG. The hype of Ovie on Broadway will be insane, but the games themselves should be decent.
Uneducated predictions: New York steals a few at home, but Washington wins 4-2. NHL marketing guys cream their jeans.
NJD-Carolina: Carolina’s only got a 31% or 25% chance to hit the six, so this isn’t terribly likely to happen. Carolina’s won all three match-ups this year. Carolina knocked the Devils off during both their cup runs earlier this decade.
Uneducated predictions: Brodeur and Ward stage a nice goaltender's battle as Carolina wins in the seventh game of an entertaining series. 23 people tune in to watch.
Philly-Pittsburgh: Again, largely self-explanatory. This has the same chance of happening as Carolina getting the six. In the regular season, the Penguins went 4-2-0, with two of the wins in OT at home. After a bit of an ugly start, Philly’s been consistently good all year; they’ve lost consecutive home games only twice since Nov. 8, by my count. Pittsburgh’s been on a rocket ride up since mid-February.
Uneducated predictions: Pittsburgh wins somehow. The total energy expended by Flyers fans shrieking “Cindy Crosby” alters Earth’s rotation perceptibly.
Conference Semifinals
Boston-Carolina: Well, Boston won all four games this year, by a combined score of 18-6. That said, Carolina’s gone 17-4-2 since these teams last played.
Uneducated predictions: Carolina takes two off the Bruins in a hard-fought series. Confused Raleigh-area bandwagon fans believe Zdeno Chara to be an eastern European basketball recruit taking an official visit to UNC.
Washington-Pittsburgh: The season tally is Caps 3, Pens 1, Passive-Aggressive Statements 45. Again, the hype would be obnoxious, but this really would be fun.
Uneducated predictions: Washington wins in 7. With the spotlight trained firmly elsewhere, Malkin continues with Project Arcturus unmolested.
Conference Finals
Boston-Washington: Not a lot to say here; just a couple supremely talented teams bashing each other around for two weeks. Washington took three of four during the regular season.
Uneducated predictions: If a Washington goalie gets hot, the Caps could definitely win. That said, Bruins in 7. President Obama forced by adviser to mention the Capitals during some function.
The NHL’s playoff membership is set. With most teams having a single game left, there are a few seeding questions to be resolved, but we know largely what the field will look like. Spring hockey is always fun. Theoretically, though, there’s one combination of winners that would make for a more entertaining two months than any other. How should a neutral fan hope to see the playoffs play out? Assuming seven-game series between mutually hostile teams are the gold standard, let’s start in the Eastern Conference.
Conference Quarterfinals
Boston-Montreal: Fairly self-explanatory. Currently, Sports Club Stats has the Canadiens at 63% to get the eight-seed, while Playoff Status has them at 72%. Boston has won five of the six games this year. Three, including Montreal’s lone win (at home) went to OT.
Uneducated predictions: Montreal wins a few because that’s how they do, but Boston wins 4-2. In game two, an angry Milan Lucic kills five people, sprouts wings, bursts through the roof of the TD Banknorth Garden and returns to his roost on a craggy cliff-face in the Coast Mountains 150 miles northwest of Vancouver.
Washington-NYR: Not much choice here (Montreal’s odds to get the eight are NY’s to get the seven), but luckily it wouldn’t be a half-bad series. The Rangers are a decent 11-7-2 since Tortorella took over, including a very good 8-2-0 at home. During the season series, Washington won both home games 2-1 in regulation (plus an empty-netter), and the teams split OT decisions at MSG. The hype of Ovie on Broadway will be insane, but the games themselves should be decent.
Uneducated predictions: New York steals a few at home, but Washington wins 4-2. NHL marketing guys cream their jeans.
NJD-Carolina: Carolina’s only got a 31% or 25% chance to hit the six, so this isn’t terribly likely to happen. Carolina’s won all three match-ups this year. Carolina knocked the Devils off during both their cup runs earlier this decade.
Uneducated predictions: Brodeur and Ward stage a nice goaltender's battle as Carolina wins in the seventh game of an entertaining series. 23 people tune in to watch.
Philly-Pittsburgh: Again, largely self-explanatory. This has the same chance of happening as Carolina getting the six. In the regular season, the Penguins went 4-2-0, with two of the wins in OT at home. After a bit of an ugly start, Philly’s been consistently good all year; they’ve lost consecutive home games only twice since Nov. 8, by my count. Pittsburgh’s been on a rocket ride up since mid-February.
Uneducated predictions: Pittsburgh wins somehow. The total energy expended by Flyers fans shrieking “Cindy Crosby” alters Earth’s rotation perceptibly.
Conference Semifinals
Boston-Carolina: Well, Boston won all four games this year, by a combined score of 18-6. That said, Carolina’s gone 17-4-2 since these teams last played.
Uneducated predictions: Carolina takes two off the Bruins in a hard-fought series. Confused Raleigh-area bandwagon fans believe Zdeno Chara to be an eastern European basketball recruit taking an official visit to UNC.
Washington-Pittsburgh: The season tally is Caps 3, Pens 1, Passive-Aggressive Statements 45. Again, the hype would be obnoxious, but this really would be fun.
Uneducated predictions: Washington wins in 7. With the spotlight trained firmly elsewhere, Malkin continues with Project Arcturus unmolested.
Conference Finals
Boston-Washington: Not a lot to say here; just a couple supremely talented teams bashing each other around for two weeks. Washington took three of four during the regular season.
Uneducated predictions: If a Washington goalie gets hot, the Caps could definitely win. That said, Bruins in 7. President Obama forced by adviser to mention the Capitals during some function.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Chicago Commodores
Current players on the Chicago Bears roster, by alma mater:
Vanderbilt: 4
The other 11 SEC schools: 6
That barely seems possible. But I guess when this has been one of your team's most recognizable faces for a few years, you take all the brains you can get.
Vanderbilt: 4
The other 11 SEC schools: 6
That barely seems possible. But I guess when this has been one of your team's most recognizable faces for a few years, you take all the brains you can get.
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